PAX ’07: Will Wheaton Keynote Liveblog

25 08 2007


Sorry this wasn’t updated earlier, but WordPress was being an asshole. I cried.

3:56 — This is my first crack at live blogging, so let’s see how this works. We’re currently at the Seattle Convention Centre awaiting Will Wheaton, geek extraordinaire. he’s going to be telling a lot of anecdotes, so I’ll just keep this simple by noting down some of the funniest parts.

4:15 — Late start, but here we go. An “All Hail Ball!” chant just started. A hilarious skit about Will calling Lazlo from GTA. Apparently the “Wii Controller in the Pocket Gag” got Will a restraining order.

4:18 — The man has hit the stage. “My name is Will Wheaton. Jack Thompson can suck my balls!” What a way to start. He admits to playing Night Watch on Sega CD. He owns every Atari 2600 game and keeps them on a USB Key.

4:22 — “We may be from different generations, but if your response is any indication, we have a lot in common besides our love of Penny Arcade.”

4:23 — “I am a huge geek, in every possible geeky way, but nothing gives me more joy than gaming. I do not love holographic orgasm games that get in my way when I just wanna get into Ashley Judd’s jumpsuit.”

4:25 — Will is telling a story about the first time he ever played a video game. The guy sure knows how to tell a story. He’s totally engaging. Man boner? Check. The first game he ever played was Asteroids. “If you don’t understand why we’d be excited about a vector graphics game, think about the first time you played Halo, or GTA, or the first time you saw a naked girl in front of you without a monitor between you”

4:28 — “I once saw a Star Castle machine at a gas station on Interstate 40. There was nothing around for thousands of miles. The place didn’t have a working bathroom for god’s sake, but because it was 1985 god damn it, there had to be a video game there. And being a geek, I had to play it.”

4:32 — A great story of him playing Wizard of War at Fox Studios while going to an audition for the Twilight Zone movie. “Holy shit, this game talks! It was the perfect combination of Science Fiction and D&D.”

4:40 — He thinks of Arcades the way our generation thinks of Xbox Live: a place for socializing with other like-minded people.

4:41 — “I say this about Arcades because they are on the brink of extinction. Desperately miss a time when I could walk into an Arcade, and play games as diverse as Burger Time and Pac Man. And trust me, you haven’t lived until you’ve tried to balance a melting waffle cone with one hand, and control a space ship with the other”

4:43 — Has this to say about Dark Tower: “Oh for fuck’s sake, more Brigands?!”

4:45 — On his first NES “It was sitting at the end of the isle of the store, waiting for a couple of kids to take its controllers and play it…It made my Atari 2600 feel as technologically advanced as a pile of alphabet blocks that is missing all of the vowels.”

4:47 — My brother said, “That Intendo is awesome!” “It’s Nintendo, Jeremy…and it’s probably the most advanced piece of technology that will ever be made.”

4:51 — “I will never foerget the night we stayed up till dawn, and beat Metroid. ‘Oh my god dude, it’s a chick! …That is so cool!”

4:52 — “The NES will remain my favorite system, which I reluctantly put to sleep a couple years ago, after no amount of smacking and blowing would bring it to life”

4:53 — “A couple of days later, the Wii arrived. I named it? Wii-ton.” He loves the Wii, because playing with his family reminds him of the arcade experience when he was younger.

4:55 — “The Wii is about bringing people together. The reason I play Wii games more than I play Guitar Hero, is because it’s a social gaming experience…This is the thing that drives me crazy, when I hear Jack Thompson or any other opportunistic politician talking about the dangers of video games! The only thing antisocial about it are the people who are accurately defined by John Gabriel’s Greater Internet Fuckwad Theory.”

4:58 — “Speaking of those politicians, it is none of their fucking business what I choose to play with my kids, and I wish they would stop trying to tell all of us what we can or can’t play. I didn’t let my kids play violent games about things they weren’t ready for because I’m a good parent, who is involved in my kids’ lives.”

5:02 — “Just as multiplayer games are a social experience, so are singe player games narrative pieces of art, and should be treated as such.” Preach!

5:05 — “Look around you. We are parents, grand parents, sons, daugthes, students, geeks, nerds, liberals, conservatives, jews, christians, trekies, we are even brown coats. Apparently a lot of us! We are Nintendo Fan Boys, Xbox Fan Boys, Sony Fan Boys, wanna-be rock starts, wanna be race car drivers, but this weekend, all that matters is that we are gamers. There are 30,000 of us here, which makes it hard to believe that we are maladjusted misfits. So if you happen to find someone who thinks that way, invite them to play a game with you. Just don’t be a dick about it when you own them.”




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