IT COMES [UPDATE]

UPDATE: Okay, okay. So we’re late. Sue us. It will be ready when it’s ready.

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THE BIGGEST THING ON THE INTERWEBZ SINCE THE INVENTION OF PORN

JULY 1st, 2008

REAL Japanese Smash Bros List Confirmed

To Avoid Spoilers, Hit the Jump

The Prodigal Son Returns

Yes, I’m still alive!

It’s been quite a few weeks since I’ve been on this blog. Besides recovering from intensive heart surgery (most accurately drawn by Nicholas Gurewitch) I’ve also been scheming and plotting some things.

What I find most interesting about recovering from a major surgery is, most people assume that it’s when you’re going to get most of your gaming done, perhaps knock off a few names off that wall of shame. Unfortunately, that’s not true at all. Don’t get me wrong, the logic is there. A person needs to rest after such an intense procedure, and what better way to relax than to sit down in front of a nice, long run through of FFXII?

What you quickly learn, though, is that games are in no way a “calming” device. Even the quickest game of puzzle quest can be quite infuriating, and soon you’ll find your heart rate skyrocketing because that stupid Sea Serpent keeps healing itself and taking away all your fucking red orbs, that stupid son of a bitch!

…As I was saying. There’s also the fact that you need to be up and about a lot, and you need to do breathing exercises ten times every hour. It doesn’t really allow for a game-filled environment. Sad, really, since there are a ton of PS2 games I have yet to complete. Maybe if I get a ps3 one day, I’ll hook it up to my monitor and play them that way. If I can buy one that’s backwards compatible, that is.

— Persepolian

Status Update: Of Holidays and Surgery.

So, just a quick update. Jastrick will be on christmas holidays for a bit (though he’ll have access to the net, so he SHOULD be doing posts), and I will be going under the knife tomorrow for open hear surgery. No worries, I’ve had them before, but it does mean posts will be few and far between from me for the next few weeks, at least. Have a Merry Christmas, and keep your thumbs callused.

Peace,

— Persepolian

The most awful/wonderful time of the year.

Hi everybody! I’m back!

My Exams are finally OVER! Ah, the joy of finally returning from the Dead. Now I know what Zombies feel like. Although this next two weeks are going to KICK ASS. My copy of Rock Band comes in Next Thursday (#5 in Line. I’d say I have a 95% chance), I FINALLY get to finish Mass Effect tonight (Haven’t been able to play much due to exams), and then it’s Christmas! Fuck Yeah! I’m about 90% sure I’m getting my PS3 (60GB, best case, 80GB worst case).

 Was a big scare with Rock Band this weekend when Future Shop and Best Buy decided that they were going to hoard their copies until the 28th, but this was very quickly cleared up thanks to Harmonix Staffers on their Forums. Game ships out Monday! w00t!

I have to wonder how stupid some people really are. There’s a store in West Edmonton Mall that has INSANE prices, but this one I believe truly takes the cake. The owner has imported a bunch of Copies of Rock Band from the states. I figured I would stop in to see how much they were in the event that my EB Games doesnt manage to get 5 copies of the game in stock. FIVE. HUNDRED. DOLLARS. DEAR GOD. 

That’s right, Over double the 169.99 MSRP. I have NO idea how this store manages to keep buisness. It IS a tourist trap I guess. Some idiots will probably willingly cough up the $499.99.

One last thing before I go. I photoshopped this in case Rock Band was indeed delayed. But it looks like I don’t have much use for it now. Enjoy (Click Image to Enlarge).

I’m sorry for the general length of this post (or lack thereof), but I’m Exhausted. I’m going to sleep/eat/play Mass Effect.

–Kyle “Jastrick”

[update] Playing Telephone: Gerstmann “Lynched” by his own petard

Disclaimer: I’ve never been one to report rumor as fact or support that act in anyway. What is being presented here is a series of facts and ideas about a very important, and probably very complicated, series of events. Whether they are causational or coincidental is up for interpretation, but nothing more.

[UPDATE] Wow. All I can say is, this makes me very happy. Good on you, 1up.

[UPDATE] So, maybe I was a little naive about the whole thing. 1up’s coverage of the issue says that sources are now pointing to Stephen Colvin, former President and CEO of Dennis Publishing—the group responsible for publications like Maxim, Blender and Stuff as the catalyst for the whole thing.

Stephen Colvin, former President and CEO of Dennis Publishing — the group responsible for publications like Maxim, Blender and Stuff — became CNET’s Executive Vice President at the end of October. One of Colvin’s jobs would be to oversee the growth of CNET websites, including GameSpot.

On Valleywag, an alleged GameSpot insider has come forward to deliver an anonymous response to musings on the Internet the last few days. One of his comments supports our belief the recent changes in management could be trickling down to GameSpot editorial:

“I was in the meeting where Josh Larson [Executive Editor replacement for now Electronic Arts employee Greg Kasavin] was trying to explain this firing and the guy had absolutely no response to any of the criticisms we were sending his way. He kept dodging the question, saying that there were “multiple instances of tone” in the reviews that he hadn’t been happy about, but that wasn’t Jeff’s problem since we all vet every review. He also implied that “AAA” titles deserved more attention when they were being reviewed, which sounded to all of us that he was implying that they should get higher scores, especially since those titles are usually more highly advertised on our site.”

So far all of this is still alleged, and we don’t know for sure if this poster is legit. That being said, it doesn’t look good for Gamespot, and it indeed hasn’t since this whole forest fire was sparked. A lot of people, including the illustrious neogaf forums, are following the sentiments of a former editor of mine by boycotting CNet altogether.

This shit is getting tense, and I think it’s coming to a climax pretty soon. I know I am.

Unable to age, eh? That could be useful…….

Not good at any game except for Halo? Hah! I’m not even any good at that! Seriously though, I kick ass (I can beat Persopolian at most games, so smeh. Let him have his fantasies). All I’m saying is that over time, Assassin’s Creed does get VERY repetitive, and that I’d more enjoyably be playing Mass Effect (which I get to play today for the first time in 4 days. Stupid Homework).

First of all, I’d like to congratulate Nintendo on making 350k Wii sales last week. This is surely a huge leap forward for them. In other news, 25 people are dead after being trampled to death during Black Friday…………

Anyways, onto the point of Today’s post. I have a MAJOR problem with Microsoft’s stance on age, or lack of therein. It seems that Microsoft doesn’t understand the fact taht people do eventually get older. For example, I first got my Xbox Live account back in 2003, when I got my original Xbox. At the time I was 15. I am now 19, and will be 20 within a few months. However, Microsoft, in all their infinite wisdom, has decided that I shall forever be 15, and that certain features on Xbox Live will forever be out of my reach. Xbox Live Messenger? Nope, you need to be over 18 for that. Their new “social networking” system being added in the fall update? Guess what? Also 18+.

Now, this never bothered me that much before these events. Why? because of the Parental Controls, I could Un-block everything. I could make it so I could Add whoever I wanted as a friend, or Download whatever I want. However, due to the geniuses over there in Seattle, I cannot use these new features. I understand that “The Xbox is for Games” and that these features are not necessary, but I feel that I am being ripped off, and not getting my money’s worth.

What really aggrivates me is Microsoft’s stance on the issue, that being that it’s non-existent. I first discovered this back in March, with the advent of the Spring update, and I was assured by Microsoft customer support that it would be fixed in the fall update. The update is now out in under a week, and there has been no word on such a feature. What’s worse, is that when I again contacted Microsoft about the issue, I was told that I should just “create a new account”. Thanks, but I’d rather NOT lose all my Save Games and my Achievements, let alone my around $80-100 of DLC and Xbox Live Arcade Games.

Ah well, there’s still 6 days until the launch of the new update, and there are supposedly many still-unnanounced features that will be revealed between now and then. Here’s hoping…… ah who am I kidding. If you’ll excuse me, this 15-year-old needs to get back to his 9-5 office job.

–Kyle “Jastrick” 

“Quarters! A Million Allowances Worth of Quarters! No Slugs or Tokens!”

Hey all. What a wonderful week we had last week, eh? One posts and then we were done. While I can’t say the same for Persopolian(has he EVER done a saturday post?), I believe I have a truly valid reason for not being here. Super. Mario. Galaxy.  ’nuff said. The game is AWESOME I must say I agree with gamerankings that this truly is the Best Game Ever. 12 More stars to go and I unlock <spoiler alert> luigi. I also picked up Assassin’s Creed last week. The game is VERY solid, and It was pretty fun. The “sci-fi” twist gets revealed within the first 5 minutes however. So far, it seems pretty good. I’ll have to go back and finish it after I finish up Galaxy, if I can manage to do that before my Mass Effect LE comes in the mail. I made a vow to myself that I wouldn’t start Mass Effect until after my final exams, as I KNOW it will cause my marks to drop by a minimum of 10%. Don’t believe me? When Oblivion came out, I made it my goal to complete EVERY quest, and nearly failed Grade 12 math because of it. I guess we see how long I can hold out.

 Last week I finally got my $168 back from Microsoft for my RROD last february, and honestly, I’ts very welcomed. I think I’ve spent over $1000 the past two months on games. It’s insane. Come to think of it, that should pay for all but $1.99 of Rock Band on Dec 18 -_-

God Damn it, I’ve got a broken scanner here. I really need to stop writing while at work.

–Kyle”Jastrick”

Fear Not! I’ve Come Prepared!

Well, I know I promised a Simpson’s Game Review, but I’ve decided that I said all I needed to say with my impressions last friday. Instead, You get my thoughts on some things. Joy.

 Call of Duty 4……..This game is AWESOME. This is one of the games that fell off the radar for me. Heck, This game almost was cut from my Holiday shopping list. I’m truly glad that I didn’t. So glad Infinity Ward was back at the reins. I actually never played the third in the series. It’s a bastard child to me. The game takes everything that was excellent in the second, brings it into the present day, and adds a shitload of customization to it. Highly recommended.

The heads from Konami teased us earlier this week with 3 of the 5 locations that MGS4 will take place in (Middle East, South Africa, Eastern Europe) and the fifth location will be somewhere we’ve been waiting to go for the past 20 years (Outer Haven, anyone?). But what of the other secret location. For those of you who’ve seen the new trailer, watch it again. When Snake is in REX and Liquid is in RAY, fighting one another, look at the terrain. Look familiar? Shadow Moses, Bitches!

I am very tired so that’s all for today. I’ve developed a new format for my “Week in Review” segments, so You’ll see that on Friday.

–Kyle “Jastrick”

Now join me in this time of celebration.

For those of you who didn’t know, long ago in september, the 12th, to be exact, there was National Video Games day in the US. At first, I was wondering why there was a day, but now I realize that there should be a time of celebration for our hobby. That time is now. I always found the placing of Video Game Holidays sort of odd. National Video Game Day is in September, and Winter-een-mas is in January. However, i believe that it makes the MOST sense to have a Video Game Holiday in November. When else during the year are we surrounded by Hundreds of New titles coming out every week? I hereby move to make November “Video Game Month”. All for? “AYE!” All Opposed? “…nay!” …Who keeps saying that?

 Manhunt is turning out to be VERY underwhelming. Think of a dumbed down Splinter Cell, with the violence cranked up to 11. There you have your game. The visuals are dissapointing, and overall I would not recommend this game to anyone looking for one of Rockstar’s A+ titles. By far my biggest annoyance with the game is the 10 minute long “splatter” tutorial at the very beginning of the game. 10 minutes of swinging the remotes to a blank screen and endless splatter noises. Sounds like FUN.

Rock Band went Gold today. I am in extreme-hype-mode for this game. I have been ever since playing it @ PAX. Pre ordered it to ensure my copy, so I don’t go through the same thing I did with Guitar Hero 3, and having to wait until after the holidays. Although, what will most likely happen is that I will play it for a week, then throw in Mass Effect, and do nothing else for the following month.

Bought my Tickets for Video Games Live in Calgary today. I went when they came to Edmonton in January, and liked it so much that me and 3 friends (none of which is Persepolian, sucker) are making a day trip down to Calgary to see the show. Will have pictures and video clips for Monday. Also, Simpsons Game Review on Wednesday!

 –Kyle “Jastrick”